I feel sick

I'm sick of the majority of people being selfish.

I’m sick of people being mean and horrible.

I’m sick of some people being just plain evil and revelling in it.

I’m sick and angry of the stigma around mental health conditions and mental breakdowns. I just want all these people to know they are loved by God even if people judge and dislike them. 

I’m sick of people manipulating and hurting people and getting away with it.

I’m totally sick of transactional “friendships”. It’s all about what you can do for them. It’s all take, take, take. Then the “friend” gets annoyed or frustrated when you can’t do a task for them or stop everything in an instant to pray for them because you have the audacity to deal with your own internal and external battles… alone as usual!

I’m sick and tired of people only being liked for their skills and not just for themselves, whether it is at work, at church, with family or friends. 

I'm sick of materialist people who obsess about getting money by any means, their status, cars, holidays and physical items. What happened to just being content with what you have?

I’m sick of being around constant gossiping. Conversations are always about other people. Where are the deep in-depth conversations about life, social issues… about God. Instead what I’ve heard over the years is “why do you want to talk about stuff like that?”, “why are you so negative?”, “why does everything have to be so serious” and “oh here comes the essay” (when I’m simply answering a question!). This also goes for church folk up and down the land. If you are constantly talking about other people and actively not trying to do anything to stop the issues, then it is just gossiping no matter how hard anyone tries to “Christianise” it. On that note I’m sick of fake Christians. 

I’m sick of people defending racists throughout my life. 

I’m sick of people being cowards and coming at innocent people with energy that should be targeted at people who have actually wronged them. Nope it’s silence when they are around them, funny that!

I’m sick of people who take an instant dislike to me and show it, when all I’ve done is smile and say hello. 

However, I NEED to remind myself daily that we live in a sinful world which makes people act in questionable ways.

I NEED to remind myself daily that when my world was turned upside down and the majority of people turned their back on me, that I wasn’t alone. God the Father came to me every time I was on the floor sobbing, begging for all this to stop and for God to turn back time. 

God knew I needed a strong father to hold me and carry me like a dad carries their child when they fall over and wipes away their tears. God knew I needed a dad so He came to me in my lowest point, in my greatest desperation, as God the Father who I’ve always needed (even if I didn’t realise it when I was younger) and who I’ll always need. 

Even though I pick up my cross daily and repent of my sins, big and small, to the Son of God, Jesus- God the Son, whose blood that he shed on the cross covers me and wipes away my sins. I NEED to remind myself daily that not everyone remembers to pick up their cross every day, or actually wants to do this at all. They don’t want Jesus to change them. 

I NEED to remember that God doesn’t sleep and He has final judgement on all the manipulative, narcissistic, toxic, hateful, evil people who never ask God for forgiveness and never decide to stop this awful sinful behaviour.  

I NEED to remind myself daily that God has anointed me with certain gifts and these can be seen in the spiritual realm. So I need to remember that when someone takes an instant dislike to me, it’s their spirit being dazzled and irritated by my light radiating through my anointing and the light of the Holy Spirit living within me; all because I accepted Jesus and fully surrendered to God and repent of my sins daily. 

There is a saying “your true friends are the ones who walked in when everyone walked out”. I think my saying is “My one AND only true God is the one who was always there watching from the sides, walked in when everyone walked out and never left”. 

As long as I remind myself daily, that when people make me feel sick, that God- The father, The Son and The Holy Spirit, will make the sickness symptoms go away. Then I’ll be ok. 

If you resonate with any or all of this, then remember that God sees your frustration and pain and He hates the way you have been treated by mean, manipulative and hateful people. Also remember that through His son Jesus, God the Father can comfort you. He can also help you navigate your justified frustrations and your righteous, honest anger about the sins and injustice in the world, as well as heal you from the struggles you have been through in life because of the hands of others.

“God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day”- Psalm 7:11 (NLT)

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you".- Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)