Have you heard about the unfinished room theory?

As a kid and teenager I watched the TV show Changing Rooms and laughed at some of their “interesting" room designs. If you are too young to remember the show, the idea was neighbours or friends decorated one room in each other’s home and then there was a big reveal. 

If you watched it, do you remember that episode where they designed the couple’s bedroom head to toe in black and red? During the reveal the woman burst into tears straight away and said it looked like a brothel!. There was another episode where they accidentally destroyed the woman’s antique tea pot collection worth thousands of pounds!

Even though it was entertaining for us to watch and we had a laugh, decades later the teapot woman was still telling journalists that she was still very angry that they destroyed her teapot collection, despite her telling them to be careful with it because of its worth and what it meant to her. She held on to that loss and hurt that was linked to her friends (and a TV crew) who she trusted, being in one of her rooms, with her most valuable possessions and they let her down in her own house.  

This can happen to us all and we don’t need the BBC and antique teapots for it to happen either. If you’ve heard of the unfinished room theory then you know what I’m talking about.

What is unfinished room theory?

The unfinished room theory sees your mind and your general self like a house. When a person comes into your life i.e. “your house” they build a “room” in your “house” and start decorating it. Therefore every person you allow to get close to you creates a “room” in your mind. Depending on the person, that “room” could be the most beautifully decorated or a disaster like one of the Changing Room rooms!

How people build their “room” in you has an effect on how you trust, how you attach to people and how you love.

 So the unfinished room theory has three types of “builders”:

1. The Decorators: These people bring positive energy to your life, they have a warm presence and generally make you feel safe and loved. They build a “room” in “your house” that is bright, warm, cosy and completely furnished and decorated. 

2. The Rearrangers: These people challenge your mindset and perspective. This can be for the better and bring some improvement to your life. They build a “room” where they will set up the furniture and then suddenly move it all around, or repaint the room to a totally different colour, so it becomes a room that you don’t recognise anymore. However, over time you can see why the rearrangement needed to be made.

   
   

   Another type of rearranger is the person that you just can’t figure out, whatever you do to try and understand them you can’t. This can lead to you feeling confused for a period of time. They will suddenly bring in more furniture on top of the ones that they just brought in, leaving your “room” cluttered and you feeling mentally cluttered and confused about why they did this.

3. The Mid-Renovators: These are people that leave your life abruptly, it could be because of a massive argument, or betrayal. 

   
   

   The second type of mid-renovator are the ghosters in your life. It could be a friend or someone you’ve been on a few dates with. Everything was going fine (or so you thought) and then they suddenly start cancelling meet ups and they just stop responding to your messages. They basically ghost you. 

   
   

   The third type are the literal ghosters, they have died (sorry, I have a dark sense of humour sometimes, it gets me through the hard times!).

   
   

   Mid-Renovators suddenly leave the “room” that they have built in your “house”, half decorated with only half the walls finished, with tools and wallpaper scattered everywhere and wires exposed. 

Ruth’s rooms

I’ve said many times in my blog posts that the Bible is the blueprint to life and a great self help book. The modern psychology and emotional wellbeing theories that are popular at the moment can be linked back to Jesus’ teachings, an obvious one is the popular Let Them theory. Also you can see examples of some of these theories in people whose lives were documented in the Bible. 

One of my favourite books in the Bible is the Book of Ruth. When thinking about the unfinished room theory, I thought about Ruth and how she had decorators, rearrangers and mid-renovators in her life.

The mid-renovators in Ruth's life were her husband, brother-in-law and sister in-law. Her husband and brother-in-law both died and her sister-in-law decided to move back to her hometown. Their abrupt exits would've left Ruth’s “rooms” unfinished with scattered tools everywhere.

The rearranger for Ruth was her mother-in-law Naomi. Naomi challenged Ruth’s mindset by introducing her to God. This led to Ruth rejecting her family’s gods and accepting the one true God. Naomi also rearranged Ruth’s “room” by deciding to move to Bethlehem and Ruth decided to follow her and move to an unfamiliar town, with no man to lead them there, which was custom at the time.

The decorator in Ruth’s life was Boaz. He met her in a vulnerable state, in a town she didn’t know and he instantly provided her with food and drink, he protected her from the other men in the area. He showed kindness. Then he eventually married her, started a family with her and continued to provide for her and Naomi. The room Boaz built was fully decorated with warm colours and secure locks to protect it. 

“But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God” - Ruth 1:16

Ruth and Boaz marrying and having a child called Obed, led to their grandchild Jessie, which led to their great-grandchild King David. The prophets in the Bible told us, thousands of years before Jesus came to earth, that God promised that the Messiah, Jesus, would come from the bloodline of King David. The genealogy in the Bible shows that Jesus' bloodline is traced back to King David through Mary (biologically) and Joseph (legally) (See the Book of Luke and Book of Matthew respectively).

Ruth’s “builders” all played a part in shaping the path in her life, which ultimately led to the birth of the Son of God on Earth, which gave us ALL a second chance, if we accept it. That second chance is love, hope and salvation from God the Father, through Jesus Christ. 

“A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit” -  Isaiah 11:1

Tidying up your rooms

Now it’s important to know that this theory says that the "rooms" people build in us don't suddenly disappear when they do. So when new people come into your life, remember that they aren’t walking into a brand new “house” and therefore their “room” won’t be the first room that’s created in your “house”. They will see the beautifully designed "rooms", they will navigate through the rearranged "rooms" and they will walk through the mid-renovated "rooms". As a result of this we have to be careful not to blame your new friends or your spouse for tripping over furniture that they didn’t put in your “house”. 

Also by truly pausing to look at the different types of “rooms” in your “house”, from the warm cosy ones, to the chaotic ones, will allow you to decide which "rooms" need tidying up and which ones you no longer want in your “house”. You can then decide to only let people into your “house” who are going to treat it with the respect it deserves. 

The ultimate designer

So while reading this, you have thought about all the different people and “rooms” in your “house” and now you might be thinking where do I even start with tidying up my “rooms”? Well, if you’ve been reading my blog posts long enough you know I’m going to say seek support to help process the state of your “rooms” through therapy, with a professional, or peer led support groups, with people with a shared experience. You also know I’m going to say lean in to someone else who is … the ultimate designer… Jesus.

We know Jesus as being a carpenter and woodmaker but the Greek word in the Bible used to describe Jesus’ job is τέκτων, which is pronounced Tekton. This translates as a builder, not just a carpenter. 

God who is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is our creator, provider, protector, saviour and guidance counsellor all in one. Colossians 1 says Jesus Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. Jesus existed with the Father before anything in the heavenly realms or on Earth was created. God the Father used Jesus Christ to create everything.

“Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation, for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see— such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him. He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together” - Colossians 1:15-17

Jesus is the great architect not only when He was on Earth but since creation. He not only builds physically but He creates the architectural blueprint for our emotional and spiritual growth. You have power to re-design your "house", remove clutter, seal up "doors" and knock down "rooms". If you aren’t sure where in your "house" to start, then just simply turn and ask Jesus for help. He is the divine designer and our chief architect after all. 

“For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God” - Hebrews 11:10

This month marks one year of this blog 🎉. Thank you to all the subscribers and readers, your support has been much appreciate❤. When God placed on my heart to start this blog, I thought only my family and friends would read it but to see it's been read in 24 countries, across three continents is something that I didn't expect!

The positive feedback and testimonies I've received, over the past year have been a joy to read and hear. From how the blog posts have helped you make positive changes in your life, or that my writing expressed how you were feeling, or gave you some hope, or helped you understand God more, makes me grateful that the Lord has used me as a vessel to help people, especially women, to reflect on their life, whether it's past trauma or the slight annoyance of modern life and help you all understand or remind you that you can find love, contentment and peace in Christ. Here is to another year! x