It can end with you

Do you ever wonder why do these things keep happening to me and my family? Why do I have intense negative emotions that come over me that I can’t make sense of? Well you may be interested to know that the reason for this may be because of a family member you’ve never met. 

There is a term called generational trauma and this means that the effects of a traumatic event can be passed down from one generation to the next. This can be when one of your ancestors was the victim of the trauma or they caused the trauma.

The science

There is science behind generational trauma. Did you know that you were in your grandmother’s womb? You are probably thinking “huh?”. Well it’s true. Women are born with all the eggs they will have during their life. Therefore when your grandmother was pregnant with your mother, your egg was in your mother’s ovaries. Therefore, you (your egg) was in your grandmother’s womb. 

Now for even more science. Trauma can alter your DNA through epigenetic changes. These changes can be passed down to future generations increasing the risk of developing certain conditions. So if a woman, lets call her Jessica, goes through a traumatic event, lets use the example of her father dying. Then trauma from the father's death changes her DNA. Jessica then goes on to get pregnant, the baby will also have this altered DNA. Not only that but if the baby is female, the eggs in the baby will also have this altered DNA. 

Now imagine Jessica’s husband, let's call him Jordan, also has altered DNA due to trauma entering his family. That would mean that Jessica and Jordan's baby and their future grand kids would have altered DNA from both their mother and father! 

The trauma doesn’t even need to be when the person is of child bearing age. Last year I went to a talk about inter-generational trauma (yes I’m a self-confessed and proud nerd who enjoys going to talks like this in my free time). The doctor giving the talk said the part of the brain called the amygdala, which deals with our emotions, keeps growing until we are four years old.

The doctor said the trauma affects the formation of a child’s brain. She also said trauma in early childhood causes the amygdala to grow larger than average and the hippocampus to shrink. The hippocampus is the part of our brain that forms our memories and regulates our emotions. Therefore childhood trauma can cause memory loss and make it harder to control your emotions. Which again changes the DNA for future generations, a vicious cycle. 

Generational Trauma

Mark Wolynn, author of a book called It Didn’t Start With You (it’s a good book, I recommend you read it!), has worked with people in his clinical practice who have struggled with depression, anxiety, chronic illnesses, phobias, obsessive thoughts and PTSD. He found that the answer to uncovering the source of their symptoms lay with their parents, grandparents or even their great-grandparents stories. 

Mark Wolynn tells the story of Megan. Megan married at 19 years old and they both thought it would last forever. Suddenly at the age of 25 Megan looked across the table at her husband and felt numb. Her feelings for her husband had gone. A few weeks later she filed for divorce. 

Throughout their sessions Mark Wolynn learned that Megan’s grandmother was 25 years old when her husband, the love of her life, drowned. She raised Megan’s mother alone and never re-married. The father’s death impacted the family. Megan learned that she was reliving her grandmother’s experience of sudden aloneness, deep loss and numbness. Within days of realising and processing this Megan felt her emotions for the husband returning. This is an example of some feelings not originating from us but coming from a family member from a previous generation. 

Generational curses

“‘The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations.’” (Numbers 14:18 NLT)

Throughout his book, Mark Wolynn, quotes many influential people throughout history. However the part that stuck out to me when reading his book was:

“Uncannily, the Bible, In Numbers 14:18, appears to corroborate the claims of modern science- or vice versa- that the sins, iniquities, or consequences (depending on which translation you read) of the parents can affect the children up to the third and fourth generations”- Mark Wolynn

Throughout the Bible there are scriptures about generational curses that are passed down the generations, like generational trauma. In the Old Testament God passed down generational curses because He didn’t let the guilty go unpunished, as Exodus 34:7 says: 

“Maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation”. (Exodus 34:7) 

John

Another story Mark Wolynn gives in his book, is the story of a man called John. John started sessions with Mark shortly after he was released from prison after serving three years for embezzlement, a crime he said he didn’t commit. At the trial a false accusation was made by his former business partner. As a result John presented at these sessions as tense and agitated and was obsessed with thoughts of revenge. 

Through discussing John’s family history Mark learned that John’s father was acquitted of murder, on a technicality. Everyone in the family knew that John's father murdered the person but no one talked about it. John and his father were the same age when they had their trials. Mark Wolynn said justice was finally served but the wrong person paid the price. 

As a result of the generational curse and trauma, without realising John had been passed his father’s murderous thoughts of revenge against his business partner. Wolynn highlighted that once John had made the link, he released his negative obsessive thoughts. 

The book also points out that if a family member is rejected from the family because of drinking, gambling and cheating, then it is possible that these behaviours will be adopted by one or more descendants… the cycle continues… until it is addressed and processed by future generations. 

Worshipping other gods and idols

“You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me”. (Exodus 20:5)

Scripture like the one above describes God’s warning for those who hate God and worship other gods and false idols. God’s warning is that committing this sin will affect future generations as a consequence. If there are times when you think certain negative things keep happening in your family, like it’s a trend, then it may be worth thinking about if there were any family members from the past who hated the God of the Bible or worshipped other gods and idols.

Breaking the cycle

Now I know this all sounds depressing and feels like we are all doomed due to the sins of our ancestors. However, God had a plan. God gave the prophet Jeremiah a prophecy, which is a vision of the future that God gives to certain people. God told Jeremiah this: 

“In those days people will no longer say,‘The parents have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’ Instead, everyone will die for their own sin; whoever eats sour grapes—their own teeth will be set on edge”. (Jeremiah 31:29-30)

God is saying that people will be accountable for their sinful actions and it won’t be passed on to their children.

Cycle breaker

So what was God the Father’s plan to stop the consequence of sin passing down the generations? Two words… Jesus Christ. 

Romans 5:12-19 talks about Adam’s single sinful action bringing sin and death to future generations but it also says Jesus’s single righteous action brings justification to those who believe and repent, wiping past sins and clearing away generational curses. 

“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole”. (Galatians 3:13)

So how do you break generational trauma and generational curses?

1. Talk about past trauma.

It is important to process and talk through traumatic events that have affected you directly or family members. You can do this through speaking to a therapist or going to a relevant support group. Understanding and processing traumatic events will lead to healing. 

The devil wants everything to be kept secret, God wants the opposite. Bringing the trauma or negative emotions to the light will free you. Don’t be put off from speaking to professionals, God created doctors and therapists for a reason!

2. Seek Jesus.

“So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ” (Galatians 3:26-27).

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

A. Get to know Jesus by reading about him, reading devotionals and the Bible, especially the New Testaments sections of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Once you learn more about Jesus, pray and ask him to reveal more of Himself to you, in a way that you will understand.

B. When you truly believe and say with all your heart that Jesus:

• is the Son of God, 

• had never committed a sin but died for our sins. So our sins could be covered by Jesus and we get to heaven and avoid hell and the lake of fire.

• died on the cross, 

• rose on the third day, 

• left believers the gift of the Holy Spirit to guide them in life 

• now sits in heaven with the God the Father

• will return to earth to judge everyone. Those not covered by Jesus will be thrown into the lake of fire.

  
  

C. You then have to repent all your sins to God The Father, through Jesus, by ending your prayer with “In Jesus name, Amen”. Repent means telling God you are sorry for all the sins you have done and you will turn away from that behaviour and really try not to do it again. Repenting is through Jesus because no-one gets to God (The Father) except through Jesus (John 14:6).

Once you have gone through these steps, then God wipes away your sins, including your ancestors' sins that were passed down to you, like they never happened. Jesus then covers you and protects you from generational curses that will unfortunately continue onto other family members not seeking Jesus. Jesus placing a hedge of protection around you means the generational curse can no longer touch you. You are free! 

If you raise your children to believe in Jesus and when they get older they confess their belief in Jesus as the Son of God and repent, then the generational curse won’t touch them either. They will be free from it too.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

When you are in Christ having true faith and salvation in Him, your old self dies along with the effects of the generational curses that were affecting you. You are a new person, which is why Christians are called “born again”. 

Remember generational curses and generational trauma didn’t start with you but through believing and repenting to God (The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit), it CAN end with you.