What have you got for me?

Do you ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach when talking to someone? It could be an acquaintance you met on the school run who is becoming your friend, it could be that nice person you met at Pilates class, it could be your work colleague or your manager or it could be your long term friend. You get this ever so slight feeling in the pit of your stomach because there was something they said about you that made you stop and think “huh?”. It might not even be something that they said. It might be the look you caught them giving you, before it turned into a smiley face, when they caught you looking at them. Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. They probably don’t actually like you, they just like what you bring to their life.

This might sound harsh but it happens. A study published in the journal PLOS ONE researched friendships. It showed that 47% of the people studied didn't have the same feelings towards the person who considered them a friend. Basically this means that these people in some way made the person think they were friends with them, when in fact they actually didn’t like them as a friend.

This can happen for many reasons, some of these reasons are:

• People keep certain friendships solely for practical reasons such as social networking, moving up in their career, academic help or for using their things like their car or money.

• Some people are scared of being alone so they hold on to friendships that they don’t really want. 

• There is a phrase called medium friend. A “medium” friend is a person who people are not particularly close to. People sometimes keep “medium” friends around because of the convenience or in case they need them in the future. 

• Some people are narcissists or are toxic in their behaviours. These people use their “friend” for ego boosting to validate their self worth. 

• Some people are really “frenemies”. They deliberately choose to befriend people that they don’t like, that they see as a rival or they are jealous of. They do this so they can vent about their “frenemy” to someone else. The listener then feels closer to them because this information is being shared with them. The aim of a “frenemy” relationship is to manage the friendship, rather than enjoy it. It’s also to try and slyly prevent their “friend” from doing things that will elevate them higher than the fake friend. 

An example of a “frenemy” was on a social media post I recently saw. It was a post of a woman trying to find a woman, who she named and gave the location she was from. The post was warning her not to go on holiday with her three friends. This was because she had overheard the woman’s “friends” talking about her and they didn’t like her. They only asked her to go on the holiday because someone else backed out. One of the “friends” said she couldn’t stand her because she is “too nice”, whatever that means! Their plan was to avoid the woman the entire trip but get her to pay for everything because she has money. Sadly the woman is oblivious to the fact that her niceness irritates something inside of her “friends”, most likely the light in her spirit irritates the darkness in their spirits. She is also oblivious that they are using her for her money.

Anointing

There is another reason why a person or people can have an active presence in your life and it looks like they like you but in reality they don’t. This reason is when a person has an anointing on them from God. People sense this anointing and see the blessings the anointed person gets in life and they want that too. They don’t want you… they want your blessings. 

"But you have been anointed by the Holy One, and all of you know the truth" (1 John 2:20)

Some Christians also realise that they have been given spiritual gifts given to them by God. Other people see these gifts in them and want a piece of it. Spiritual gifts are explained below:

“There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all [...] To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit. Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages, while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said. It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have” (1 Corinthians 12:4, 8-11)

Being anointed is also a very powerful act of divine selection. God’s spirit leads a person for a specific reason to complete a task or assignment. This anointing sets the person apart from others to complete this God led mission. 

Being used

Anointed people stand out, whether they want to or not. As a result, they can be open to being used by people for their own personal gain. We see this in a small way in the book of Jonah. 

Jonah was sent on a mission or as some may say an assignment to travel to Nineveh and tell the people living there that they need to stop their wickedness and turn to God. Jonah didn’t want to go there and do this, so he tried to run away from God and go to another city. 

While he was on the boat escaping, God sent a massive sea storm. The sailors on the boat were petrified, however Jonah was sleeping through the storm. The sailor prayed to their gods but it didn’t work, the storm didn’t stop. So they woke Jonah up and told him to pray to his god, to stop the storm. When Jonah told them his God was the Lord, the God of heaven, this terrified them. Jonah told them that it was his fault the storm had come to them. He told them God caused it because of Jonah’s disobedience. Jonah told the sailors to throw him overboard and the storm would stop. However, they ignored Jonah and tried to row back to shore, with obviously zero success. 

Now I’m pretty sure none of the sailors liked Jonah at this point. So why were they trying to row back to shore when they could easily throw him overboard as requested? Well it was because they could see the anointing on Jonah, whether Jonah could see it or not.

The Bible says the sailors were terrified when they found out Jonah’s “god” was the God of heaven and the universe. They knew the power of the Lord and they wanted access to Jonah even if they didn’t care much about him, all because Jonah was connected to an all powerful God. Throwing Jonah overboard would lose them that access, they wanted the blessing and were scared that throwing him overboard and killing one of God’s anointed, would bring them the opposite of God’s blessings. 

He answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land” (Jonah 1:9)

Jacob

Now two other people in the Bible, who I want to focus on now are Jacob and Laban. What happened with them is a really good example of how someone is used for their gifting by someone who is supposed to like them. It’s also an example of the consequences of trying to use one of God’s truly anointed for their own benefit. 

Jacob was the son of Isaac and grandson of Abraham. Jacob had visions from God. Jacob tricked his dad into giving him his brother’s blessing. As a result, Jacob had to run away to live with his uncle Laban because his brother wanted to kill him for taking his blessing. 

Jacob agreed to work for Laban for seven years and in return Jacob could marry Laban’s daughter Rachel. After seven years and the night before their wedding day, Laban swapped Rachel for his other daughter Leah, tricking Jacob into marrying Leah. Laban then said Jacob could marry Rachel if he worked another seven years for Laban. Jacob did this and also worked an extra 6 years so he could have some of Laban’s flocks. So instead of 7 years of work, Jacob ended up working for Laban for 20 years. 

Now I’ve just mentioned that Jacob had to work 6 years for some flocks and this is where I want to focus on. So after a while Jacob asked Laban if he could finally leave and go back to his homeland. Jacob actually said “you know how much work I've done for you” (Genesis 30:26). So at this point you might think Laban would've said either “ok, you have done a lot so you can go but you and family, please keep in touch” or “no, please stay because I’ve really enjoyed having you the kids around all these years”. No, Laban didn't say anything like this. What Laban actually said was “please stay. I have learned by divination that the Lord has blessed me because of you” (Genesis 30:27). So basically Laban was using Jacob. He was using Jacob because the anointing that the Lord had given Jacob meant that Laban was also being blessed too because of his proximity to Jacob. This was because Jacob was working on Laban’s land and tending to Laban’s animals.

Still happens

The thing is that this still happens today. Someone who has an anointing because of their strong connection to Jesus Christ, through them deciding to fully surrender to Christ, which can also include having the spiritual gifts that I mentioned earlier. Means that they will find people gravitating towards them in the hope that they can benefit from these spiritual gifts, even if they don’t like them or are jealous of them. This is in the hope that they will "catch" some of the blessings, whether it’s healing, more money, protection from demons or something else. They don’t actually care for the person with the anointing, it’s all about what they can get from the being around them. 

I’ve experienced this many times over the years from various people because of the skills and gifts that God has blessed me with. Some people only get in contact with me when they want me to pray for them or their family, or they need me to do something for them. Once I have done it, to them it’s job done, so they can go back to ignoring me until they need my “blessings” again. Or like in Jacob’s case they just want the proximity to blessings, through me, even if they are envious of me, don’t particularly care about me or don’t like me.

The one thing that makes me giggle is when people think they are good at slyly rubbing me, weirdly thinking that they can somehow rub some of my blessing off me and on to them. The only thing they are rubbing off me is my perfume or fabric softener haha!

Fortunately God has also blessed me with the gift of discernment (and also people struggle to maintain their fakeness all the time). Therefore, I spot these types of people a mile off even if I don’t show them I know. However, because I have decided to fully surrender to Christ then if the Holy Spirit tells me to do the thing that will help them, even if it’s obvious that I’m being used, then I will do it. I take it as the thing that I will be doing will be used by God in some way to further show His glory to others. HOWEVER, if God doesn’t tell me to do what the person is asking of me, then I won’t. I only let God use me, not people. 

Back to Jacob and Laban

Like I said earlier, the Jacob and Laban situation is an example of the consequences of trying to use one of God’s truly anointed for their own benefit. So we know that Laban asked Jacob to stay because God was blessing him because of Jacob. Laban didn’t want to lose access to the blessing. Jacob said he will stay on one condition, which was that he got to keep all of Laban’s speckled and spotted sheep and goats and that would be his wage when he finally leaves. There were actually a lot more plain coloured sheep and goats and they were stronger, so the plan didn’t make sense. Jacob said to Laban that if he checks Jacob’s sheep and sees any plain coloured one, then Laban can assume Jacob stole them from him.

So to Laban this would’ve been a no-brainer, he could continue to use Jacob’s blessings from God to farm many plain coloured strong sheep and goats. At the end, Jacob could leave with a few weaker speckled and spotted sheep and goats. So Laban agreed and took all the speckled and spotted sheep and goats from Jacob and gave them to his sons, to make sure that Jacob didn’t mate them with Laban’s plain coloured ones. However little did Laban know that the angel of God came to Jacob in his dream and told him to do this plan because God had seen that Laban had been using him.

Long story short, God made it so Laban’s plain coloured sheep and goats produced lots of strong speckled and spotted lambs and kids. The few plain coloured lambs and kids were born weak and they went to Laban.  As a result of Laban agreeing that Jacob could only have speckled and spotted ones, meant that Jacob fled Laban prosperous with a large speckled and spotted flock. God had seen the injustice Jacob had faced from Laban and God vindicated Jacob, blessed him and protected him. He also stopped blessing Laban and didn’t give him a large strong flock, which was the thing he wanted. 

“In breeding season I once had a dream in which I looked up and saw that the male goats mating with the flock were streaked, speckled or spotted. The angel of God said to me in the dream, ‘Jacob.’ I answered, ‘Here I am.’ And he said, ‘Look up and see that all the male goats mating with the flock are streaked, speckled or spotted, for I have seen all that Laban has been doing to you" (Genesis 31:10-12)

Christians 

Even though all practising Christians have an anointing through their true faith in Jesus Christ. Not all truly believe that their anointing is enough or the “right anointing”. So they look to other Christians who they believe have the “right” anointing and have more blessings. When it’s most likely the “more blessed” person just has more faith that God will listen to their prayers, whether their life is going well or terribly. Even if their prayers aren’t answered straightaway or at all, they don’t question God’s decision. They put trust in God that the right decision was made or they will be vindicated in the future. Even if this is really hard to do, they don’t let doubt take over in what God can do in their lives. There is nothing stopping the Christian who doesn’t think they are anointed enough to do this too. All they need is faith the size of a mustard seed!

“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you”" (Matthew 17:20) 

As a result people, non-Christians and people who say they are Christians may be in your life just to have access to your powerful prayers, your gifts, your blessings and all that comes with it, but sadly not like you. 

Discernment 

If you feel this is happening to you, then remember that God didn’t just give you an anointing or a spiritual gift. He also gave you discernment which God wants you to use. Discernment basically means the ability to be able to judge well. So use your discernment, pray those powerful prayers and God will guide you, vindicate you and make all those people realise that there are consequences for using His anointed ones for their selfish personal gain. 

Also pray in Jesus name that God allows you to see who are the true friends in your life and genuinely like you for who you are and not what you can offer them.

If you feel like you don’t have any genuine friends then feel free to pray this prayer:

Father God, 

Thank you for loving me and as your Word says thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me. Heavenly Father, I pray that you allow me to find and build friendships with people who truly like me, that aren’t envious or just want what I have. Please give me discernment to know when someone is using me for my skills, resources or gifts and please protect me and guide me through the situation.

In Jesus name. Amen.

Remember don’t confuse people’s proximity to you with being liked by them, especially if you have an anointing on your life and spiritual gifts. You don’t have to give people who don’t like you or are using you access to your life.